Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just gargled with NyQuil
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
