We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
