I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
