I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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