We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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