i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm having to shit out rocks
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