I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize