a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
