When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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