Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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