that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
