just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
