I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
