Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
3pm strippers are depressing
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
