It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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