I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
