Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
