my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
