just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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