Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
