I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
