i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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