So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
