no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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