I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
