my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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