u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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