His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
