Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
