I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just threw up on my dentist
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
