he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
