After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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