My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
