My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
