I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
