I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
