why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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