you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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