No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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