Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
