Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
