Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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