you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
