why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
