Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
