Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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