this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
