i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
