By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I met the friendliest cop last night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
