Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize