So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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