so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
