I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
