I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
