Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
