hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
